Live, Life, Love and Run

Many people run, with different reasons with different goals and different motivation. I run for many reasons. Do you remember how and why you start running?

I recently always have this in mind: Running is not my life but running is part of my life. True enough, someone tells me: Running is your life, running consumes huge amount of your time till you don’t manage your life. But my life is not about running.

Sometimes, some of us are not fortunate enough to find someone to share our life with, it’s fate and destiny or it is yet time. Sometimes, it is better to be alone in some situations, and sometimes you wish that you could turn back time and be single.

I’m still learning to manage my time and life better. Nobody is responsible for you but yourself. What is life? What is growing up? I’m working, I’m studying, I’m eating and I’m breathing. But these are just living and being alive. Still figuring about how to live my life and what is the life I want to live. Maybe most people is searching for the answer to it throughout their entire lifespan.

I started running in 2014 shortly after I finally decided to consult a doctor because I got some knee pain. The doctor says because I’m too heavy and my leg could not support my body weight and I need to lose weight.

I’m not always fat. But I guess it’s because over the years, I’m getting too comfortable in a relationship that I put on 18kg! It’s a gradual weight gain over three years. Life revolves just around food and Dota(online gaming) and we seldom leave the house. He was lean but gains weight too but maybe because he is tall and metabolism rate is higher, he dosen’t gain as much weight but me, standing only at 1.57m, weighing 70kg, my BMI is a freaking 28.4!

It was when my weight shows a scary 70kg on the digital weighing scale then I finally decided to consult the doctor regarding my weight issues. Omg! The first digit changed to 7! I asked for diet pills and was told to run at least 2.4km per week. I don’t run, so I asked the doctor, can I do other exercises like play basketball(I used to play Basketball everyday in my early teens) or swim(I don’t really know how to swim well but I guess I prefer swimming which also means I will swallow mouthful of water accidentally in the pool than running, I don’t really like the idea of running). And the doctor response is epic: You compare all the athletes, runners are the slimmest.

True to a certain extent. So obediently, I listened to the doctor advise and run. Running 2.4km is achievable I thought, so I started with running my first 2.4km after years without running but then I started to find myself running more frequently because I’m motivated as I could see the weight decreasing and I’m losing fats!

I didn’t run a lot back then, with average distance about 60km per month. Within the first 3 months, I lost a impressive 10kg. But could not credit all the weight loss to running, it’s also the pills the doctor prescribed. The medicine name starts with D, think the famous blogger XX also took it last time, unless prescribed by doctor, it is better not to try because of the side effects like palpitation, insomnia and others. I couldn’t sleep for two weeks and every night for that period I only slept for only 2 hours but I’m not tired at all. Had palpitations and is always thirsty. Till after a month or so, I get used to it. Long term consuming of that medicine will results in depression and worst case suicidal, that’s why I stop taking it. I continued losing additional 6kg the next 5 months without the diet pills.

People change. Love change. Life change. On the day my boyfriend of 5 years left me, I went for a run. And I continued to run more since then. It was a tough period for me, someone so close can become a stranger overnight. I was depressed, very depressed. Life changes overnight and I couldn’t adapt. Life was meaningless till I even questioned myself what is the purpose of living. 5 years together is not something that can be so easily left behind and move on, it took me quite a lot of time to finally pick myself up again.

Ironically, I was studying for my examinations during that difficult period and I was taking Psychology. Words like depression, suicidal, love, stages in life and etc keeps on coming up that I just want chunk my textbook down the rubbish chute. Then I read that it is proven exercising is also a form of “therapy”. I run, I need the “therapy”, I need to help myself, so I started running more. And it helps. I guess those who used running for healing will know what I mean and how it feels.

Maybe some will say that it’s “running away from reality”, but I find peace in running then, especially at that difficult times. If it’s what hurts you, don’t think about it since its not beneficial at all, so the time I’m running is also the time I use to reflections, learning and thinking. Running is not just running.

Suddenly friends and family starts to wonder did I even eat because I have gotten too “skinny” they say. I lost another 8kg in 4 months. I was eating lesser and I ran close to 200km a month. For a non competitive or a leisure runner, it’s considered a lot to run like this. It was only until a friend wanted me to look properly at my pictures then I realised I’m so “flat” and looked so tired. It is not what I wanted.

So I started to eat normally again but the running mileage does not decrease because I registered for a full marathon, looking back I think I’m crazy to do that. Because I run but I didn’t really run more than 10km for each run. I survive that full marathon.

I continued running till now because I think it’s a long term “therapy” and for general health. I’m happy running and I made friends through running. I dare not say I will keep on running but I’ll continue running till I’ll stop just like Forrest Gump.